>One of the worst spelled word in the English language (depending on where you live) has to be 'Colonel'. Where the heck's the 'R'?

That's "kernel"... probably originating from a walnut.

>Or how about 'cough' vs 'tough' or 'couch' vs 'touch'. How is a person new to English supposed to deal with this nonsense?

But it's very simple... you only have to remember the exceptions: harbinger, finger, ginger, linger, impinger, stinger, winger. You see the obvious rule on how to read the "g" in -ger?