I know you're not kidding, but that's a whole mouthful of funny right there. How much is she paying for the cigarettes? Put that towards the patch and quit.

>My wife smokes. She says she would not have any problem giving up smoking today, if the state would provide her with free patches, like they do with condoms to students (do they still do that?). It is one thing to tell a person to stop for their own good, but another to do so and not offer any help.