Hi all,

I wrote these about three years ago as possible fodder for John Kiernan's standup routine at Essential Fox in Kansas City. Don't know if he used them, but only one other person here has seen them, and I thought they might be appropriate for this Valentine's Day.

Enjoy!

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It's amazing how much Visual FoxPro error messages correspond to married life. Just consider these actual error messages generated by VFP:

-- "*bad date*" (self explanatory)
-- "*interrupted*" (the cause of the above message)
-- "A sharing violation occurred" (you shouldn't have suggested that threesome, eh?)
-- "Too many windows open" (do *all* women freeze in a greenhouse, while us guys sweat buckets?)
-- "Cannot find the beautify program" (the excuse ALL females use to justify the thousands of dollars spent at the hair salon, the nail shop, etc.)
-- "Currency value is out of range" (the response you have when you see the bill for the previous item)
-- "Unable to process error" (used by spouses EVERYWHERE so as not to admit THEY were wrong)
-- "Feature is not available" (translation: "I have a headache")
-- "File is in use by another" (translation: the reason for the headache)
-- "There is not enough memory to complete this operation" (used by kids when asked to clean their room AND do their chores)
-- "Logical expression required" (something certain spouses NEVER understand)
-- "Expression is too complex" (the response you get when asking for the above)
-- "Line is too long" (what you'll hear as you wait for YOUR favorite restaurant, but never theirs)
-- "No primary key" (used as an excuse when your spouse locks their keys in the car at two AM across town, and YOU have to go out in the rain to bring them the extra set)
-- "Insufficient stack space" (what you'll hear when they ask for a bigger house)
-- "Too many arguments" (used when asking for custody of that bigger house AND the kids)
-- "Nesting error" (used when you realize you should have just learned how to cook)

And, when all is said and done...
-- "Trigger failed"