>>I've seen a guy, dead drunk, placing a lit cigarette on his sandwich (confused it for an ashtray) and then eating that sandwich. Didn't notice a thing, except that a few people were laughing their donkeys off.
>
>Again, ironing when the phone rings ...

...and don't call the ambulance from the same phone, or you'll burn the other ear too.

>Did he also stub his lips out in the ashtray?

I think he couldn't find the asthray.