>>>Hi everybody,
>>>
>>>If you messed things up completely, is there a way to go back on track in relationships?
>>>
>>>If yes, what steps would you take to deserve forgiveness?
>>>
>>>Thanks in advance.
>>
>>Now, this is my area of expertise! Screwing-up relationships and (more importantly) fixing them is what I'm best at. You don't say how you messed it up, but let's say it's pretty severe and you cheated. Or is it friendships? You used the plural, so I'm not sure. Either way, coming clean, being sincere and knowing what you want are key. Are you sure you want to be forgiven? Did what happened to cause the problems occur because it should have, or was it truly a mistake? Can you step back and look (as much as possible) objectively at the situation to determine how it looks from all sides, or even no side? If you figure out that you are the one mostly at fault, you want the relationship to continue and you think the other person does too, and that it's healthy for both of you for it to continue, then you need to really lay your emotions out there and try to do express that to the other person. If it works out at all, it will take time. The other person may be to the point that they just
>>don't want things to go on. You may have to accept that. You have to be willing to change. Not just on the surface, but how you really feel about your behaviour/actions. Feeling are harder; those aren't so easy to adjust. That goes the same for the person you are trying to get back into good graces with. Don't expect that tomorrow everything will be fine. Even if they say things are good, you will be on a trial basis, perhaps forever with them. If you deserve it, then there's not much to do there. I have more to say, but gotta run right now. I'll try to add to this later today...
>
>Thanks, Jay.
>
>Basically, I made this mistake once already and the punishment was severe, but we were able to restore the relationship to some degree (not to the original openess, though).
>
>Now it looks like everything is lost and there is no way back.
>
>The question is: what makes you to repeat the same mistakes over and over again even if you can predict the outcome? I can not answer this question...

Ok, it's a work relationship, and somewhat of a friendship. Different a little from a romantic involvement, but much is still the same. This is the 2nd time you've done this, caused this issue, so it definately puts you in a defensive position. Your intentions were good - I read that elsewhere - but you must have known it was the wrong thing to do, and yet you still did it. Are you sure your intentions were good? Deep down? Sometimes our actions speak volumes more than our words. It will be hard, if not impossible, for this person to believe that you won't do this again, so I wouldn't even say that. And, in all likelihood, you will make this mistake again. If not with him, then with someone else. We are egotistical, selfish, small people much of the time, though we try to tell ourselves we are not. All you can do is try to grow from the experience and hope that they care enough about you to be bigger than your error. If they feel you are worth it, you have a chance. If not, then maybe you can take something positive from it to the next relationship. I'm really sorry though. I have been on both sides of the type of thing you're dealing with and it pretty much sucks. For both of you, whether he admits that or not.