As bizarre as this story is, I still say the biggest NFL player (ok, ex-NFL player) "pathetic story" goes to Nate Newton, for wanting to be known as the greatest dope dealer of all time. And you know he's serious about it, they just don't give that award out to anyone, you know. It's not easy smuggling hundreds of pounds of dope.

And then there's that little Michael Vi, er, uh, "Ron Mexico" problem. Never underestimate the power of "love".

Kevin