Here is the keyboard for you:
http://www.thinkgeek.com/computing/input/8396/
No bells and whistles, not even letters <s>

>Does anybody have a keyboard they really like? I'm not talking about bells and whistles like multimedia buttons or wireless connectivity and such -- a conventional 101-key layout would be just fine -- but what I'm looking for is one with a good tactile response and key action that isn't mushy, wiggly, noisy, or otherwise weird and annoying during heavy use. In other words, something you can touch-type on all day and not feel like it's slowing you down or wearing you out. Any recommendations?