>Santa Claus here. I want to get something off my chest. (Is the money in my account yet? Judith?)
>
>What you heard about me and those Christmas Eve flights around the world, Donder and Blitzen and them, going down chimneys and so forth -- well, I am sorry to tell you there's more to that story. Not that I was personally involved. Not me. But I can tell you what really happened at the Claus house. I'm sorry, what might have happened. I hope they catch whoever did it.
>
>So let's just say me, sorry, the perpetrator and Mrs. Claus had lost some youthful vigor and enthusiasm for each other. And me flying around the world like I had to do in my job, well, you know. Stuff happens. Deal with it. She divorced me anyway. Can you imagine that?! Divorcing the Claus?
>
>They said she was found in the breezeway with her throat cut. It would have been cut off completely, not just almost, the b***h, if I had done it. Commando style from behind. And that alleged waiter, don't give me that. We know what he was there for. If it had been me I would have offed him, too.
>
>It wasn't me. I didn't do any of it. Just if it had been me, that's the way it would have happened.
>
>Got to fly,
>
>The Claus

That reminds me of another story about Santa Klaus - it is also of a sexual content, so don't read on if you don't like this sort of stories...

Santa Klaus goes down a chimney, bringing gifts to a house - and sees a naked lady, asleep on a couch.

"What a dilemma", he thinks. "If I do it, they won't let me back into heaven. And if I don't do it, I won't pass through the chimney."