I think I will pass. Not because I think it's bad, because it isn't, but because I tend to be overly critical. A couple of people who asked me for comments on their writing wound up irritated with me because they thought the comments were too harsh. They weren't intended that way but sometimes I come across as harsher than I mean to.

One thing I will say CONSTRUCTIVELY is keep an eye on the adjectives. I happen to be sensitive about this because my own writing contains more of them than I would like. Most of the writers I admire go easy with the adjectives and their cousins, the adverbs. "Show, don't tell."

Speaking of a stripped-down writing style, did you hear the next book in Oprah's Book Club is "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy? His early books were written in a dense way some considered inpenetrable. Now he has gone in the other direction with "No Country For Old Men" and even more so "The Road". Excess words seem to have been ripped out, as has most punctuation other than commas and periods. To me the tone suits the setting of a post-nuclear world. It doesn't take long to read but it may take a while to shake. A bold choice by Oprah.


>Oh, but feel free to critique! :o)
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>>Gotcha. I wasn't critiquing your work, just expressing my opinion of diminutive nicknames.
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>>>With this character, I want to bring about a familiar or intimite relationship between the reader and her so I want to use a diminutive if possible. Annie, Emmie, Em, Nat, Jen, Sam, et al.. I'm sorry you don't like Emmie! :o)
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>>>>Emily being my younger daughter's name, I'm kind of fond of it myself ;-) (Even though I am not the one who chose it). Can't stand "Emmie," though. She had one babysitter who called her that when she was little and it grated on me every time. I don't like baby-sounding names even for babies.
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>>>>Halfway off topic, relating to your comment about easily changing character names with a word processor, I think one of the killer features of e-books would be the ability to search for a name, then jump back to where you were. Don't you hate it when you're on page 150 something and a character's name is mentioned, and you don't remember who they are? Search, find it, and jump back in a matter of seconds. Coo-ul!
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>>>>I keep expecting e-books to take off but so far they really haven't? have they? I don't even have one myself yet. But I bet a lot of us will. Sometimes I think new technology is going to take off faster than it does. Make that "usually."
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>>>>>Incorrect spelling as usual :o) I start with characters and names, and then usually somewhere in the story the name doesn't quite 'suit' so it gets changed (nice thing about word processors). At some point it will probably switch to Emily (that's what I'm leaning towards now - it can be shortened to 'Em' or 'Emmie').
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>>>>>>>God it was cold. She felt it deep in her bones. An involuntary shiver worked its way down her back and continued on until it settled somewhere near her toes. She stamped her boots for warmth even though she knew it would probably do no good. Her cheeks red and stiff, she pulled the hood of her parka tighter in a vain attempt to keep the wind at bay. She couldn’t remember a winter this cold in North Carolina. She couldn’t remember being this cold, ever.
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>>>>>>>“Looks like she put up a fight.” Detective Annibal Pedersen stated dryly, appearing unmoved by the grisly scene in front of her, when she was anything but. She wrinkled her nose. The coppery smell drifted all around and seemed to permeate everything in its reach.
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>>>>>>>Dillon stepped back as if to distance himself from the sight before him and glanced at Annie, reading the sadness in her eyes. “Not that it did much good.” Was all he said.
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>>>>>>>She was young and pretty. At least she had been once. Long, golden blonde hair, now coated in blood, cascaded over her shoulders like a waterfall, almost blending into her camel coat and looking as though it flowed on to the earth around her. Her eyes once soft and warm, were now wide open in terror. A thin red line of blood trickled down her chin, her mouth round and wide open as if a scream was about to emerge. She couldn’t scream now. Did she scream then?
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>>>>>>Nice. One question. Why "Annibal"? I stumbled over it, trying to figure out if it was meant to be a variant of Annabelle or something else.
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>>>>>>Tamar