>>"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Fight Night at the UT! On the undercard, Jay vs. Peter, and in the main event, Kevin vs. John. Let's get ready to rummmmmmmble!"
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>I'm old, have diabetes, have nerve pain in my legs most of the time, can't see well anymore, can't breathe normally because of heart issues, have two arterial stents, lost a portion of my leg to a brown recluse spider almost two years ago that still hasn't healed, and nerve damage in my face. I can't beat-up a sick 7 year-old school girl!

I'm old - Lucky you you didn't die young and instead made it so far.
have diabetes - Medicine is quite good these days.
have nerve pain in my legs most of the time - Did you already try TENS?
can't see well anymore - That one counts.
can't breathe normally because of heart issues - What's the use of running anyway.
have two arterial stents - I assume they do there work still fine.
lost a portion of my leg ... - But not your leg.
and nerve damage in my face - That one also counts.
I can't beat-up a sick 7 year-old school girl! - Oh come'on, you're still a far better programmer.

And me? Since two years I have a list too, although I admit it's not as long as yours. A nerve in the cheek and half of my tongue are out of order, miss half of my neck and have problems with eating, drinking and talking. So, eventually you make a chance of beating me, but I'll fight for what I'm worth. What's your length and weight? Mine is 1.70 meter and 65 kilo. We're probably in different divisions. <g>