For anyone who remembers the general format of MST3K (Mike and the bots watching a bad movie, and riffing it), here's what they might have said, if MST3K were still around to riff the Paris Hilton interview tonight.


Paris: "I'm just going to follow all the laws"
Mike: "Just as soon as Britney tells me what they are"

Paris: "Being strip-searched was the most humiliating experience of my life"
Crow: "yeah, right, we all saw the Internet video"

Paris: "it was nice to be away from all the flashes for a while."
Servo: "wait, didn't she just say that flashing was humiliating?"
Mike: "Leave it alone. She's got a tough job"
Servo: "Yeah, having to watch Larry King for an hour is rougher than prison"

Paris: "the food wasn't that tasty"
Crow: "What is she talking about? The girl is thinner than 3.2 beer - last thing she ate was a wintergreen lifesaver"

Paris: "Don't serve the time; let the time serve you. I have a new outlook on life."
Servo: "Is that gonna be the slogan for her new line of clothing?"
Mike: "Nah, it's gonna be strip-search-R-Us"

Paris: "Prison provided time to get to know myself"
Crow: "I'll bet the prison guards enjoyed watching that"

Paris: "I've gotten rid of a lot of people. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but they know who they are."
Servo: "I wonder if Lindsey Lohan is watching"

Paris: "I meditated and read the Bible"
Mike: "She's gonna do bible school sessions on Jezebel"

Paris: "It was my first Father's Day I couldn't give my dad a hug, and that was really hard on me,"
Crow: "I'll bet it was hard on him as well"
Mike: "Let it go"

Paris: "Ten minutes before the police arrived I'm yanked out of bed"
Crow: "Like that's never happened to her before"

Paris: "Even though I hate it, I'm glad it happened in a way because this really changed my life forever, and I feel stronger than ever."
Servo: "Sure....feel her bicep...she worked out a lot in prison"

Paris: "I was nervous, but Larry's so sweet."
Mike: "Larry probably thought Paris smelled like juicy fruit and cigarettes and body odor and arpege"

Paris: "People think I don't work for a living. I work, I've made a name for myself"
Crow: "Thank god for Google"
Servo: "Work it baby, work it"

Paris: "The crime did not fit the punishment"
Servo: "Huh??? How's that again???"
Mike: "She'll probably try to even it out by committing a bigger crime"
Crow: "She should do ten years in jail for her journal entries alone"

Paris: "I don't have a drinking problem. I don't do drugs"
Crow: "I'll bet the phrase, 'where's my cocaine?' gets used a lot in her home"