Revisionist History Chapter 1

In 1982, Professor Hamish Wifi invented the wireless rottentooth transponder. By 1985 rottenteeth were commonplace in personal portable devices; their utility as telephony devices rendered the landline obsolete, driving Bell into voluntary administration by 1984.
The discovery in 1986 that aliens were using rottenteeth transponders to control armies of human bots led to popularity of the tin foil hat, an earthing device to prevent alien access. However, in 1998 Russian Scientists demonstrated that the tin foil hat acts as an aerial, condensing alien control waves directly into the brain. Russia then accused the USA of covering up evidence of captured alien spacecraft that contained powerful rottentooth beamers. According to the Russians, America was using these alien devices to control world markets.
The discovery in 2004 that hackers from the Isle of Man were able to control children using musical tones passed along radio waves was the beginning of the end for rottenteeth. Entire towns and cities visited Dentists to have their rottenteeth extracted. This trend accelerated after Bill Gates, leader of the Microsoft division of IBM, proposed the "PC", a standalone device with operating system and software stored on a rapidly spinning magnetic device.
Mr Gates was forced into hiding after an assassination attempt by a cult claiming that millions of spinning magnetic discs would summon the anti-christ, but by 2006 most businesses had a PC and were using it for functions that had relied on rottenteeth just a few years earlier. IBM then released Portholes, a stand-alone Operating System with a GUI (graphical user interface) and the PC became popular in homes as well.
In December 2007, Bell (which had re-emerged as a behemoth after millions of homes and businesses re-subscribed to traditional landlines) proposed a world-wide interface to connect companies and businesses. The proposal immediately struck a chime with businesses and householders everywhere, though naysayers insisted that transmission of data across a phone line would require use of tinfoil hats to protect users. At this point the US government admitted that they had captured six alien flying saucers with tinfoil-hat-controllers and that there are probably more out there, making resumed use of tinfoil hats most unwise. At this stage it appears that a rabbit-foot worn around the neck may be just as effective as a tinfoil hat, though further research is underway.