To all,

Sorry for the group reply but I wanted to give a quick report to all of you. I know many of you have been concerned and wanted to let you know I am doing OK. Better than OK, really, although there is still much work to be done. I just got home from the hospital a couple of hours ago. There are many calls to make tonight and I doubt I will even have a chance to read the thread until over the weekend. Will undoubtedly have more to say about the events of this week; just the highlights for now.

First of all, everyone should know that the calls from Howard and Naomi saved my life. Literally. I cannot express my gratitude strongly enough. THANK YOU. I am so grateful my attempt was unsuccessful. It really shows how stoopid alcohol makes me. With luck -- and effort, and trust -- this will lead me to get it completely out of my life for good.

The police and the fire rescue squad came here within a few minutes after being called (don't ask me for exact times because I was too addled to know). I was belligerent and did not want to go to with them. They said you don't have a choice and put me in an ambulance with my hands shackled behind me. When we got there I was taken to the ER and my stomach was pumped. They asked me how many Tylenol I had taken and I said I didn't know, maybe 30 or 40? They never did tell me how many or how much but the social worker who took my case at the hospital said it was a toxic amount and we would not have been having that conversation if 911 had not been called. Both you (Howard) and Naomi have taken some arrows around here. I hope everyone remembers you did this. As far as I am concerned you are both on the permanent good guys list.

At around 12:30 a.m. I was transferred in another ambulance to a different hospital where people in crisis are stabilized and counseled for a few days (sometimes longer) and given a plan for longer term treatment. There were patients of all types who were there under many circumstances. Some of us were alcoholics, some drug addicts, some mentally disturbed (deeply depressed or what used to be called just plain crazy), one nice older lady who had become unable to care for herself and was being kept there until her daughter could drive out from college to make new arrangements for her. (She went out to bring in the mail, wandered off in bitter cold, and was found two miles away some time later, votive candles burning in her house all the while). A handful of people who were brought in while I was there were detoxing, which is not a pretty sight. One expectant mother. Another woman, 21, with a 3 year old daughter who was brought at visiting hour every evening and cried "Mommy, mommy" leaving every time. Gulp. (Julie found out yesterday she was admitted to a 120 day in-patient drug treatment program where her daughter can come with her). Lots of stories there.

Anyway, it is a secure environment and you do not leave until the doctor releases you, with input from a large staff. You cannot leave the ward and all imaginable methods of harming oneself are thwarted. The urge to do away with myself was gone, although they kept asking me about it all week. There are several group sessions a day as well as individual attention from a medical doctor, nurses, social workers, a psychiatrist, and staff specializing in things like the transition back to the outside world. Lights out at 11. TVs on in the two common areas from 6 a.m. until 11 p.m. other than during group sessions. (Yikes. I thought the idea was to help people get better, not make them crazy ;-) ) (Yes, my sense of humor is intact. I'm usually only berserko when I drink).

I found the week tremendously helpful in many ways. One was to commit to getting help, which I have until now resisted. (Read: refused). Another was to participate in group help and see that it can work, rather than ruling it out based on preconceptions. I also met some fascinating, good people. Everyone there had one or more severe problems but almost all of them had good qualities as well. Just in the three plus days I was there I came to care about many of them and wish them the best of luck, as they wished me when I left this afternoon.

Have already missed the boat re the "quick report" but will wrap up now because I need to call some people back. I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate the messages and phone calls. The phone messages unfortunately got deleted but I know who most of you are from caller ID. I am doing fine right now and determined to use this as the starting point of something I should have done long ago. THANKS A MILLION, GANG. The name may not be the same but the FoxGang lives.

Mike


>For those reading - I've called 911 in Round Lake - they're checking on Mike.
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