Now here is a bracing reply ;-(

Assuming you hadn't had a couple cervezas yourself when you wrote that (or even if you had), here is a straight answer.

First of all, thank you for your prayers and concern. I appreciate it. Also for your honesty. I am sure others have similar thoughts and haven't said them. (Or maybe they have -- I still haven't read the vast bulk of this thread, only the direct replies).

The key, of course, is how I could even consider doing this to my daughters. Even drunk. This was a main topic of discussion in the family meeting near the end of my stay at the hospital, involving the girls, me, and a social psychologist from the hospital. I apologized to them for committing such an incredibly selfish act and for not putting them #1. I promised them it will never happen again. And it won't. I know it would not have happened sober, which is very high up there on the list of reasons I need to stay sober.

This isn't just lip service this time. I am already enrolled in an intensive outpatient program that starts the 28th (earliest date available and yes, I will be fine until then) and have a group to attend as well. Am also on a medication and will probably be on another one once I find a doctor, which I don't have now, and see the doc. Anything and everything will be tried. I think getting over my aversion to group therapy was a big step. This is going to be hard at times but it is going to succeed.

Right now I feel great. (Great enough not to bounce a bunch of smart*ss retorts back your way <g>). It is such a relief to be OK and still have the girls' love. Yes, I know how lucky I am. And it will be even more a strength than it already was when the harder moments come.

You don't seem the type to have a lot of second thoughts. If you do have them about what you said in your message, don't worry about it. As I said, it's undoubtedly what others were thinking, even if it sounded harsh. It was a pretty harsh situation.

Take care,

Mike


>Well, well, Mike, welcome back.
>
>We've been a busy boy this week, haven't we? I wasn't sure you'd be able to top the 180-proof confession from a few months ago, when you lost your job from too many cervezas. But you managed to make that one seem tame.
>
>A question, if you can take a 2 minute mental break from all the creative writing about your new surroundings - how are your daughters doing? (You do recall them, don't you? Last thing they recall reading was "Letters from Daddy")
>
>I'm glad your attempt was unsuccessful - believe it or not, I prayed for you. And I don't believe in God. But I still prayed.
>
>But I still think what you did was gutless, and I think you damn well should consider the impact on the two kids you brought into his world.
>
>And as an aside...30 tylenol is for amateurs and doesn't always work (unless you throw in Grandpa's heart meds). Hemlock is for the true professional.
>
>Let me tell you something - I have a good friend from college who is a paranoid schizophrenic and has spent time in the Harrisburg State Hospital. Very sharp guy, but deeply troubled. He's heard voices since he was a teenager, telling him to kill himself. In 1986 he hit rock bottom, and I cringed every time the phone rang, fearing I was about to receive a call with bad news. Fortunately, it never happened. He fights it off every single day. He's brave....and he has no family, and just a few friends. You weren't.
>
>I'm saying this because I DO like you....while you're going through your treatment, make sure to list "stone farming" as one of your treatment tasks....you do need to grow some.
>
>I do hope you get better....and leave the letter writing to the informants.