>My dad flipped out on me once, just once, when I was 18. He grabbed me by the collar and shoved me against a wall. I almost cried instantly from fear. I wasn't hurt permanently, and you can bet I never talked to my mom like that again.
>
>Interesting....while I don't agree with hitting kids, sometimes you HAVE to show some force when kids get out of line.
>
>It's funny you mention "talking back"....my mother-in-law had a kid late in life (my wife's youngest brother, he's 20 now). The father bolted years ago, so I became responsible for being the "father figure" for Jake.
>
>He's basically a good kid, but he has a horrible problem with mouthing off to his mother. I'm not talking about basic mouthing off, I'm talking serious mouthing off. Once it happened and I took him to his room and talked to him for about 30 minutes. Then it happened again, so I got in his face and put the fear of God into him. I honestly thought that would be it....but then he did it again (and all three of these were in my presence), so I grabbed him and pinned him down. He started to cry as well, but I actually stayed on him a few minutes longer. My mother in law and my wife totally freaked out and were furious at me....however, they recently thanked me, because it's been 2 years now without acting like a royal brat.

Do you mind I jump in, just for an anecdote that happened exactly ... today?

My youngest daughter turned 18 one week ago. We were zapping tv and I didn't like the programs she chose. So I asked for the remote control. She was unwilling to give it. I insisted and she still refused. I murmured that it's my house. She was of opinion that it's her house. Anyway, she got angry and went away. Later, when together doing the dishes we further discussed it and agreed that she had underestimated the irritation I had shown and that I could have used more appropriate words to start with.

We are not authoritarian parents, rather we are authoritative (I hope).

http://www.athealth.com/Practitioner/ceduc/parentingstyles.html