Mike,
I have no idea where those harsh line items came from. I have always enjoyed reading your posts because you seem more down to earth that most.

Life sucks sometimes. I hope you find what it is that you want/need.

Hang in there buddy.

>I got bombed in an email overnight. It was from a woman I have been in love with for over 5 years now, so it hurt. She has been mostly silent the past few months while I have been going through my self-inflicted life crisis. Now she chooses to awaken, like Snow White, and let me have it with both barrels.
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>The reason I post this here is the UT was prominently mentioned in her missive. She says she knows what I post here. She says more than one UT member happens to be an acquaintance in common and is keeping her posted. She says these people made the connection and alerted her to my suicide note posted here. (Which she believes was nothing more than a cry for help and attention; it wasn't). What bothers me is she painted a picture of someone who is self-deluded and despised by his contemporaries.
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>She knows me very, very well. Probably better than anyone ever has. I have let her in on all the crap most of us try to keep hidden other than from a trusted few. Trust -- well yeah, right. She is also the ultimate in elusive. Do I feel like a dummy? Yeah. I was so in love I believed her when she told me how in love she was with me, about the room in the house she bought that is going to be my office. Mikey's room, she called it.
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>She said in her email, among other things about what her unidentified UT friend(s) told her:
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>You are always seeking approval, trying to find it on the Internet is easier for you than trying it with real live people.
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>You can be very irritating.
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>You brag too much.
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>You are so repetitive in your posts.
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>So many posts are written in anger, as though no one "gets" anything but you.
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>Very opinionated and insulting.
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>Think you're funny when you're not, but always going for the one liners, followed with a wink.
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>Post items that are copied from other sources and claim them as your own thoughts. (You've done this with me, too, googling as you're composing. It's a reason you don't like phone calls - you can't compose.)
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>Some posts are made up and people could tell when you did this, the facts are not straight.
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>People would ignore your posts, not reply, very tiresome or boring to read.
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>You like correcting people's errors and/or typos, take some sort of pride in doing so. (One person was pointed out to me who never gets corrected by you even though the spelling is not perfect, and neither is the grammar.)
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>You segue into a tirade on a subject that has nothing to do with a thread, usually something about yourself, and you go on forever.
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>You love to tell people how they should write their posts, what they should have said.
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>Someone was recently banned and some people wished it had been you.
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>I saved this for last for no real reason other than to help remind me just what type of man you really are. My friends told me you have a girlfriend on the UT forum and she has been one for some time. It's been said that her posts and yours are so similar that she's called the female Mike Beane. I can only imagine what that means but members get a laugh from it. You chase each other around like puppy dogs. If you are both on line at the same time, you will disappear and everyone assumes you two have switched to the private mail or on to the phone calls. People are not dumb, especially on forums. (I can vouch for that.) I was told several things that you posted to her and I said I didn't want to know anything further because you had said the same things to me. Other stuff said by you in posts to certain people were also said by you to me and it made me ill hearing this. But my friends were right, I needed a rude awakening. They have been concerned about me for quite some time
> - they said you were not the person I imagined you to be and they were so right. Thank God for real friends. I told you some time last year that I felt you had changed towards me and now I know why. Oh, do I ever. Sometimes it's good to know everything and other times it's best to just leave everything alone and move on. The latter is what I want to do so please stay out of my life. You have no real reason to be in it anymore, now do you? (You have betrayed my soul, no one has ever done this to me and no one ever will again. But you are one of a kind, I know no one else like you, I never have trusted you, so being with people I know and trust will continue to be my comfort zone. I am through with the world of make-believe, too many phony people such as yourself are out there.)
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>(end of pasted quote)
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>Maybe there is something to that. Actually I'm quite sure there is. Being not a very nice person sometimes is something I struggle against constantly, with middling results. But I didn't know I was viewed that harshly. Am I? Be honest. If you don't want to say it publicly, as she implied, tell me in email with no disclosure or repercussions -- mbeane@inbox.com. One of the things I have been going through in this program the past several weeks (chemical dependency intensive outpatient therapy) is getting in touch with all the crap that made me a problem drinker. I want to get better and I want to know what the obstacles are.
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>Thank you for listening. Obviously I am upset. The reason I posted this is I may not be posting much for a while and wanted to explain my absence. I don't want to be looking over my own shoulder wondering how my words will be interpreted and used against me. That really sucks because the UT has been part of my recovery, as weird as that may seem.
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>Mike