Here is the transcript (act 4 of last night's show):


We have a special guest tonight who is here to make an exciting announcement. Dave welcomes former 7-Eleven President and current CEO of ExxonMobil, Mr. Jim Keyes.
Jim Keyes enters and stands center stage.
KEYES: “Thanks, Dave, and good evening, folks. We at ExxonMobil know you want relief at the gas pump. Well, this holiday weekend, you’ll get exactly that, thanks to a promotion called the Late Show Free Gas Giveaway!
All across America, Friday through Monday, pull into any ExxonMobil station and say, ‘This tank’s on Dave!’ You’ll get up to twenty gallons of ExxonMobil gasoline free ---- thanks to that man right there, David Letterman!” (applause)
“That would be incredible enough, but there’s more. Dave and ExxonMobil keep your cool this summer with a free cardboard sunshade for your windshield! Plus, one lucky motorist will win a pair of VIP passes to the Hollywood premiere of the summer blockbuster film, ‘The Incredible Hulk.’
So, visit your local ExxonMobil station this weekend. Sounds like this summer’s gonna be a hot one, am I right, folks?
Thanks, Dave . . . and tanks, Dave. Happy Motoring, everyone!”

The ExxonMobil CEO exits. Paul has doubt. He asks Dave, “Was that really the CEO of ExxonMobil?”
Dave checks his bluecard and says, “That’s what it says on this card.”


If it was a spoof, it sure is creating a mess at the pump...

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