>>It's just a paradoxical situation and mis-communication / prejustice, I believe.
Perhaps, but it's having an impact that flows into the rest of your life. Which is why others have advised you to seek professional assistance. You may be surprised at the sorts of change that become possible once an experienced somebody outside your comfort zone takes an interest.
"... They ne'er cared for us
yet: suffer us to famish, and their store-houses
crammed with grain; make edicts for usury, to
support usurers; repeal daily any wholesome act
established against the rich, and provide more
piercing statutes daily, to chain up and restrain
the poor. If the wars eat us not up, they will; and
there's all the love they bear us."
-- Shakespeare: Coriolanus, Act 1, scene 1
