This was the first thing I thought of when I saw the thread title. Let's elect John Prine president!

>Speaking of Dear Abby . . .
>
>Dear Abby, Dear Abby ...
>My feet are too long
>My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong
>My friends they all tell me that I've no friends at all
>Won't you write me a letter, Won't you give me a call
>Signed Bewildered
>
>Bewildered, Bewildered...
>You have no complaint
>You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't
>So listen up Buster, and listen up good
>Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood
>
>Dear Abby, Dear Abby...
>My fountain pen leaks
>My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks
>Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed
>If it weren't so expensive I'd wish I were dead
>Signed Unhappy
>
>Unhappy, Unhappy...
>You have no complaint
>You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't
>So listen up Buster, and listen up good
>Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood
>
>Dear Abby, Dear Abby...
>You won't believe this
>But my stomach makes noises whenever I kiss
>My girlfriend tells me It's all in my head
>But my stomach tells me to write you instead
>Signed Noise-maker
>
>Noise-maker, Noise-maker
>You have no complaint
>You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't
>So listen up Buster, and listen up good
>Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood
>
>Dear Abby, Dear Abby...
>Well I never thought
>That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught
>We were sitting in the back seat just shooting the breeze
>With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees
>Signed Just Married
>
>Just Married, Just Married...
>You have no complaint
>You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't
>So listen up Buster, and listen up good
>Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood