>*Free to good home.
>
>*Excellent guard dog.
>
>*Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.
>
>*Most of them knew him as 'Holy Sh_t.'

LOL

A friend used to let his two Dobermans run free in his fenced yard. People kept ignoring the signs on the gate that said "NO SOLICITORS" and "BEWARE OF DOGS" so he made a replacement:

SOLICITORS WELCOME!
Dog food is expensive.