Another from my mom:


Age by Wal Mart

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing the
lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot
and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You
know the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who
knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this
great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get
something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your
teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and
flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet
some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with
the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You
married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your
hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your
favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid
sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the
hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your
hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to
waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more
sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your
daughter's age and you feel weird thinking s he is spicy.

In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your
shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports
car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore
because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she
sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat
you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, "I Got Worms."

In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog shit off your
shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you
have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in you pants. The girl running the
register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:

Stop what you are doing. Wai t to go to Wal-Mart until they have your
prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog poop on your shoes. The
young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her
grandfather.

In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you
needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think
what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out
your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.