Oh yeah, loved the Sopranos.

Mike, I'd really like to talk to you about this but it's not a topic for public discussion.

>One of the most memorable lines on "The Sopranos" was when Dr. Melfi told Tony depression is rage turned inward. (Were you a Sopranos fan? I don't think I know).
>
>I am just on here quickly to let everyone know I am OK. I need to run out to the grocery store and get the rest of the things we need for Emily's birthday party / sleepover tonight. There will be a party in the back yard this evening -- boys and girls together! -- the number of guests Emily is being coy about, then 8 girls, mostly volleyball teammates, are sleeping over. They are playing in an all day tournament today so hopefully will not be up quite all night.
>
>Yesterday surprised me, I have to admit that. Looking back on it, January wasn't such a surprise. I was drinking heavily at the time, very depressed, not enjoying life at all. But I thought I was having a pretty good year since then. Staying sober (for the most part), learning to appreciate what I have instead of worrying about what I don't, putting my daughters first. Finally embarking on a long overdue career adjustment. And then whammo. The common factor (in almost every unfortunate incident in my life) is alcohol. I truly need to get rid of it or it will get rid of me.
>
>I know this will sound corny to some but I am so grateful for the friends here. Some say online friendships aren't real. They're real, all right. Thanks, everyone.
>
>Now I need to get ready for the invasion, LOL.
>
>>That *is* one of the signs of hypomania and, sometimes, in males, depression. Depression is fairly easy to recognize and control in one's self after clinical diagnosis but hypomania is almost impossible to self-diagnose and difficult to control even with medication because it's ingrained deeply into the way you approach things so it's hard to see the onset.
>>
>>>I think some have learned to recognize the 'outward' signs. Extreme belligerence or negative posts seem to be one of the signs. Everyone has their moments of passion, but when it tends to be more than that in numerous msgs, it is concerning. Some recent posts were so out of character I was worried you had temporarily slidden off the track, but hadn't thought of the absolute worst until this post. I am so relieved that 'Mike' is back :o)
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>>That went out publicly but it's OK. I did not know that. I thought you were just a very smart and occasionally belligerent redneck <g>. I really am smiling as I say that.
>>>>
>>>>Today it's a new day and the sun is shining. We have no right to ask for more.
>>>>
>>>>>Hey Mike,
>>>>>
>>>>>As some folks know already, I'm crazy as a bedbug at times. I had a brief nervous breakdown in November 2004 and am fighting severe and cyclothymic bipolar disorder. I don't advertise it but I don't hide it either and I don't mind talking about it because we're amongst friends.
>>>>>
>>>>>When in a down swing you can feel that everything is crap and that it's time to stop fighting and accept the fact that you're worthless and it's all for nought. But, but, if you can recognize that you're in a down swing and that the feelings are caused by biochemical inbalances then you can ride it out.
>>>>>
>>>>>You have my number so call me and let's talk about this. Maybe I can help. Hang in there.
>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Just so tired of fighting against it. I have always tried to stay positive. At the end now, It wasn't so bad. I had a nice life. I'm just a little crazy, I guess.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Wait for a while and we'll help you Mike.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Now there is the voice of experience ;-( --- wait a while.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>You and the others here on the UT have helped me probably more than you know. I have been depressed practically from birth. Even as a kid I was depressed. I do my best, it just comes roaring back sometimes.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>When I am sober and stable I am OK. You wouldn't know me from your neighbor. Staying that way, that's the hard part, even with medication.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Have a good night. Talk to you again soon.