>>I actually do understand what you are saying and the concept you describe as "learned helplessness" is hardly some new revelatory insight. Wikipedia is hardly necessary in this case. I'm old, reasonably well read and for a number of years have been married to a woman who is both a clinical psychologist and a social worker who has been dealing with these issues for years.
>
>I appreciate this clarification.
>
>>I am not unsympathetic to those whose life experiences have caused them to be disappointed with what they feel are "intrinsic promises" of childhood. But am also not into enabling what I find to be ultimately self-destructive thinking i.e. that their problems are the result of life happening to them and therefore out of their control.
>>
>>It is exactly the thinking you describe that give others the power to create stress in you.
>>
>>My contention is that buying into any kind of victim mentality is self-destructive and the only compassionate thing to do is discourage it in others and the only successful life strategy is to guard against it in oneself.
>
>One might argue what constitutes that a person is a real victim or merely has a victim mentality. But suppose it is a real victim. There are several ways a victim can react.
>
>- One tactic is to try to reverse the victimization, to get it undone. If successful, then one is no longer a victim.
>- Another is to try to get compensated. If compensation is possible, then this is a very effective tactic.
>- Another is to ask others for social support, either informal or formal. Support of others may lower the stress, pain, loss, whatever.
>
>None of the above is self-destructive. Our whole law and culture are structured to reverse, compensate and support. But what do we do if reversion is impossible, compensation isn't perceived as enough and social support appears to fail? What does the victim do? What do the others do?
>
>- The victim will lower the self-esteem by selfblame and the others too will lower their esteem for the victim by blaming the victim for being victimized.
>
>Is selfblame self-destructive? Not in every case. Even if it's untrue that the victim could have prevented things, a mild to moderate degree of selfblame will lower stress and will help prevent similar problems in the future. But a wrong type of selfblame can indeed be self-destructive.
>
>Is blaming-the-victim destructive? I guess not in every case, but esp. if it's untrue that the victim could have prevented things, blaming-the-victim will increase stress in the victim and will not help prevent similar problems in the future. On the other side, it WILL lower stress in the blamer. Guess why.
>
>Some here urge Naomi to blame herself. That's their way of supporting her, but the message is not lowering her stress at all. On the contrary, it is increasing her stress. Instead, they should show empathy and tell her that this twitter is a b#%$^d indeed. Choose her side, show her that she's not the only one who thinks it was unjust. That's the kind of support she hopes to get. Pity for her is that this forum is loaded with quite harsh beta people. Naomi is far better off in a forum that's loaded with supportive alpha people. Actually, she'd be positively surprised if she'd visit a social worker or shrink. This alpha person will immediately show the kind of social and emotional support she longs for.
>
>Can we close this conversation? :)

To the subject of 'victimhood' or the 'victim mentality' in general:

You might be interested in items 4,5, 6, and 7:

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/brothers/362662_joyce528.html

While everyone is not always responsible for everything that happens to them, they are each responsible for their own contentment. For some, a life of victimhood and whining for sympathy is a conscious choice. There is a difference between being a real 'victim' of a crime (and then receiving sympathy and support to work through it and above it) and imagining yourself as always the victim in every circumstance.