>Maybe I really am nuts. I am sure I have tried everyone's patience.
>
>When I am sober I don't feel nuts.
>
>When I go to AA meetings I don't feel nuts. When I go to meetings I feel it. But when they get going about the higher power they drive me away.
>
>I absolutely believe it when they say this is a progressive disease that can kill you.
>
>I am a terrible person when I drink. I hope that's only when.
>
>There is a woman I like in the group. She smiles a lot. She always comes in late. She speaks frankly but not theatrically I like everything about her. She is an alcoholic, like me, but she smiles and laughs easily. She is working hard at staying sober. I like her.
>
>Who cares what a drunk thinks? How worthless is that, even at Christmas?

Mike, when is it going to be enough, damn it? When your family cuts you off? When you're homeless? When you're dead? When is it going to be enough? Just stop it. There is no gray area here. Just stop drinking. Don't do it. Don't take a drink. Simplify it to that level. Either you drink or you don't. Don't do it.

You talk about a higher power and all that jazz, but I think you're missing a very important point - you are the higher power for your daughters. They look up to you, they use you for guidance. You are their guiding light. Don't let them down. You, and only you, have the power to create/modify a very important factor in their life: Whether they grow up with a alcoholic father who didn't love them enough to quit (yes, they will see it that way), or whether they grow up with a father who beat alcoholism to become an incredible influence in their life, and an inspiration. You have that choice, make the right one damn it. Make the right choice as a person, as a father, and as a man.

You're a better person than all of this. You have to believe that.