>>Maybe I really am nuts. I am sure I have tried everyone's patience.
>>
>>When I am sober I don't feel nuts.
>>
>>When I go to AA meetings I don't feel nuts. When I go to meetings I feel it. But when they get going about the higher power they drive me away.
>>
>>I absolutely believe it when they say this is a progressive disease that can kill you.
>>
>>I am a terrible person when I drink. I hope that's only when.
>>
>>There is a woman I like in the group. She smiles a lot. She always comes in late. She speaks frankly but not theatrically I like everything about her. She is an alcoholic, like me, but she smiles and laughs easily. She is working hard at staying sober. I like her.
>>
>>Who cares what a drunk thinks? How worthless is that, even at Christmas?
>
>No pity parties.
>
>Are the girls there with you or are they with their mom?
>
>Put the drink down and go to a meeting or call your sponsor. Do you have a sponsor? Find a meeting somewhere and call a cab to take you there.
>
>Stop focusing on the woman at the meeting and focus on the purpose of the meeting.
>
>So what about the 'higher power.' Drop the excuses. Drop the ego and go to a meeting again.
>
>Christmas is a difficult time for many. It's not an excuse to drink. There is no excuse to drink.

I already replied to another message of yours but will reply again.

First of all, I respect your intelligence and find you alluring. I'm sure anyone here knows that. And I strongly suspect you have gotten to know alcohol up close and personal.

I don't like being an alcoholic. It's not a nice disease to have. It really is progressive. If I don't stop drinking I will die of it.

I have tried to get sober so many times. I'm trying. Sometimes I just feel so lonely.