>>>>>>Sorry to dump on you, Mike, but honestly, you have to do it, not excuse it.
>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>I don't think I try to excuse myself very often. I just think your one stop recipe of "Don't buy liquor" is incredibly simplistic. Yeah, technically that would do it, but if it were that easy there wouldn't be so many people struggling with their addictions.
>>>>>
>>>>>One of the great illusions about alcoholism is that all it takes is willpower to stop. Willpower is not enough. You can realize what it's doing to you and still not be able to stop.
>>>>
>>>>so, maybe it will take the power of God to help you stop? :)
>>>>
>>>>My father had the same problem as you, couldn't stop... until he made a conscience decision not to drink, no matter what. Whenever he would get the urge to drink, he would go out and do something else like jogging, walking, ride a bike or visit a friend. If you're alone when the urge comes, go see a friend or calll your sponsor quick.... anything other then giving into your drinking urge.
>>>
>>>Maybe make your lab your non-drinking buddy.
>>
>>
>>A dog is better than nothing.
>>I read that loneliness is one factor of alcoholism.
>>
>>But I don't think Mike is at a point to follow what others tell him to do. He's seems too.... ah... what's the word........
>
>Sam, please don't judge me without knowing me, OK? I'm trying.
>
>There is one guy in the AA group who likes to give me a hard time. He thinks it's the "tough love" I need. Who knows, maybe he's right. He has been sober for a long time, 15 years or something like that. He keeps telling me I overanalyze things. He says no one is too dumb to succeed in AA but some are too smart. Whatever that means ;-)
>
>Out of curiosity, what is the word you were thinking of? What am I too? I'll take help wherever I can find it.
>
>Mike the insomniac


I'll not speak for Sam, but I would suggest that you are too "not ready to go to any length to get what sober alcoholics have"

That is the precondition for beginning a 12-step program sucessfully. When you are ready to go to any length to get what they (we) have, THEN you are ready to take certain steps, which are suggested as a program of recovery.

I would also suggest that you are better served by the 15-years-sober guy in your meeting than the folks here. You have received lots of advice here - all well-intentioned....some good....some NOT good from a recovery standpoint. Take this part of your life - your sickness - to AA, and stick to having appropriate discussions regarding programming or chatter up here on UT. If for no other reason, do it so you don't end up creating more amends that you have to make in the later steps ;)