>Mike,
>
>In another response, Marcia replied to you with her experiences of being a former alcoholic. I agree completely with everything she said to you.
>
>My response to you is based on my being the son of a former alcoholic, so in a way, I'm speaking on behalf of your daughters.
>
>You apparently have no clue as to what you have been putting them through. They see what you're doing to yourself and to them. They probably love you but they hate what you're doing.
>
>For me, my dad was an alcoholic before I was born so that's all I knew about him. I never loved him.....I hated him for most of my life. There were nine of us kids and he always had a job. But he drank up most of the money he made. We, the family, suffered from his selfishness. I'm not sure how we survived, but I do remember that as soon as we were old enough to push a lawnmower, we were earning money doing many different odd jobs.
>
>My dad finally did quit drinking, with the help of AA. This was after I had left home so I never really got to know him as a full time sober person. I talk to my younger siblings periodically and I guess some of my hatred for him seeps into our conversations. They didn't know him as I did, so they don't understand why I feel the way I do.
>
>Don't do this to your daughters. Much damage has most likely already been done, but you can repair it. You and your daughters have to have totally honest discussions concerning how this has affected them individually and you need to stop making excuses.
>
>If you can turn your life around, in time they can forget. If you don't then they will never forget or forgive....
>

Thank you, Dale. (And BTW, I don't think Marcia said she is an alcoholic, she said she went through a bout of drinking). You better believe I know what it does to my daughters. It's as you say -- they love me but hate it when I drink. It is a beneficence beyond what I deserve that they still love me. When I am sober I am a very good dad and that is the one they choose to keep in mind. Most of the time.

My dad also grew up with an alcoholic, albeit a stepfather. For that reason he has always been a near teetotaler, maybe a beer with dinner once in a while. And there he can leave it. My younger daughter, Emily, who I love beyond anything, has told her sister she will never drink. I hope she doesn't.

I am through making excuses. I know it's going to be a tough battle but no good alternative.

I am also tremendously grateful to have so many concerned friends here, even those who want to take me out back and smack me around <g>.