Phil, I appreciate the tough minded advice, sincerely, but this is exactly what I dislike about AA.

I HATE the so-called Big Book. Hate it with a passion. The advice is trite and the stories are plainly bogus, tarted up.

I hate the cult-like aspects of AA -- the love of repetition, the call and response, all that.

I don't like the frustrated preachers.

I don't even like the insistence that men stay with men and women stay with women. Personally I find it much easier to be open emotionally with women. But not in AA. The only guy I know with a female sponsor is gay, and they made him switch.

Step 2 is not the killer for me. I can accept the group as my higher power. Step 3 is the killer. Turn my life over to the care of the supernatural? It's just against my nature. And please don't say "How's that working for you?" If I hear that one more time I may puke.

The bottom line is I do not believe it is a spiritual disease.

Yes, I will keep coming back, because it works better for me than anything else has.

>Mike,
>
>Having a sponsor who has a year of sobriety is like having someone with first aid training performing surgery.
>
>Find someone with long-term sobriety. If you don't know who they are, ask during the meeting. And find one who is TOUGH....there are all kinds....some softer than others. That is who should be kicking your ass, not Tamar and Tracy (although their help is awesome). Are you calling your sponsor every day? Doesn't sound like it. Are you calling him when you get the urge or get in line at the liquor store?
>
>You may be going to the meetings, but you AREN'T working the simple program that is AA. If you were, you would hold on to the phrases like "Just do the next right thing" for dear life. After all, you are (by your own admission as well as the visible behavior) dealing with a LIFE THREATENING problem.
>
>You seem to have made it into Step 1 without problem....but you aren't ready for Step 2 yet.
>
>Are you reading the Big Book? When you say "I thought the motivation of working and making money again would be enough, but evidently not." it seems like you aren't. Check the beginning of Chapter 3. Alcoholics try, by every scheme imaginable, to convince themselves that they can drink like normal drinkers and are thus not alcoholics. They try taking more physical exercise, reading self-help books, going to sanatariums, etc. Many follow this path to the gates of insanity OR DEATH. You have added one that should have been in the original list (IMHO) - overworking themselves.
>
>Get your a$$ to a meeting, pick up a desire token and get a good sponsor. Then shut up and listen to him. Read the book, call him every day and read from the book every day.
>
>It DOES work. It will work for you, but not until you give yourself completely to this simple program.
>
>
>
>>Hi Neil,
>>
>>You are the first to identify the real problem, or at least the first to say so. True confessions time, then. I have been drunk all week. This is exactly what I was afraid would happen. I thought the motivation of working and making money again would be enough, but evidently not. The first two weeks went well. This week, off the wagon in a big way. I honestly have no explanation other than that it's a disease.
>>
>>I called my AA sponsor yesterday and he was drunker than me. He has gone back to old ways. He had been sober for a year.
>>
>>Reservations for the next two weeks are made. I am going to give it that long. If I can't get myself under control I will resign from the project and go back home. I was doing a lot better than this there. Many people, in AA and out, have told me my sobriety is the most important thing, more important than anything.
>>
>>The infuriating thing about it is I am happier sober.
>>
>>I do believe it's a disease but ask for no sympathy. People like Tamar and Tracy who kick my a** are what I need. The people I respect in my AA group back home are the same way.
>>
>>Two weeks.
>>
>>
>>>Hi,
>>> As with all problems, it is not until you grab the problem by the throat, look it in the eye and tell it that you are not playing its game any more, that you will be able to move on, do so.
>>>
>>>You are made of better stuff than this, get out and enjoy life and have a good (dry) day.
>>>
>>>>I have been sick for two days now and my hours are all screwy. It's 1 in the morning and I am wide awake after sleeping through the evening. Money flying out the window. What can you do? Back to Lee Child and hopefully a brighter morning.
>>>>
>>>>Someone say hi. I feel a long way from home.