>>>>I was an ugly kid. When I was born the doctor slapped my mother.
>>>>
>>>>I got in a cab and said take me for a good time. He drove me home.
>>>>
>>>>(both courtesy of the late great Rodney Dangerfield)
>>>
>>>You so ugly - when you were born the dr picked you up by the wrists and slapped you in the mouth!
>>
>>When I was 20 years old, I was working for an insurance company here in Toronto, and my boss, George, was one of the best. Picture Don Rickles, and you have George.
>>
>>Anyway, as I said, I was 20 and I once said to him, "If you were my father, I'd have you straightened out in 2 weeks." He responded, without a blink, with, "If I were your father, I'd have shot your mother 21 years ago."
>
>Like, referring to the wife: "If I'd killed her when i first thought of it I'd be out by now."

I saw a hilarious Vietnamese American comic on the David Letterman show not long ago. He had a number of jokes about marriage and his wife. "Did you know 50% of marriages end in divorce? That means 50% of us are married FOREVER."