There is no objective. I know you don't know what it's like.

That is where you are wrong. I already told you about the episode that I had when my leg was broken in 3 places. I knew I had a problem and went to AA and stopped drinking for almost 2 years. My bout with alcohol addiction was situational - for 10 years I have been able to have my evening martini with Andy without having the compulsion to finish the entire bottle. As I have already told you, if I couldn't have a single matini without finishing the entire bottle of vodka, I would never be stupid enough to have the first one.

When I stay positive I am OK. It's just that alcoholism and depression feed on each other.

You always have a choice. You can choose to take that first drink or you can choose to call your sponsor and go to a meeting. Step up and take some responsibility. If you can't do it living at home, maybe it is time to admit yourself to a detox facility.