>If I could I would. It's just not easy. Why would I spend so much time at meetings if I didn't want to get better.

The point is that going to meetings is not helping - you are not getting any better. It is time to admit yourself to a residential facility. However, all I hear you do is to make excuses.

If at first you don't succeed, try try again is an adage for morons. Only a moron would keep trying the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. If at first you don't succeed, try something else. If you really want to change yout life it is time for you to try something else and stop making excuses.

Admit yourself to a resaidential facility now.

No offense but non alcoholics really underestimate it. Why do you think it's a requirement for sponsors to be recovering alcoholics?

We have already been down this road. As you know, I have been there and done that.

Mike, ultimately the decision to make your life better is yours. You had better make it soon. You started to resemble the little boy who cried wolf a long time ago.