Now this may strike some as not funny. At one of my employers there was an annual award for the person who best exemplified the spirit of a guy who worked there in the early days and by all indications really was a model worker. He was in IT, which is not in the usual part of this equation. Every year the whole company would go offsite to a hotel ballroom for the announcement. It was, and probably still is, a great award. Someone from Habitat for Humanity always shows up because he was involved with them. The funny thing is, an old timer who worked with Brian and was friends with him says he only went to HfH to meet women <g>. I guess there are worse ways to meet someone.

Heck, last week I met a woman I really liked in the nut house. That's a rotten term, not only because it's un-PC but because there were two halves to the ward, separated by locks. One half was for attempted suicides and severe depressives, like me, and the other half for the traditional "crazies" -- paranoids, schizophrenic, violent, and so on. (In a rare common meeting one guy started clawing at his arm where an IV had been, saying the government had injected him there to monitor his thoughts. He said they have been broadcasting thoughts to him since 1975 and it's Just Not Right that they were sending them brain waves in the hospital, because he thought they had an agreement). This woman was different. For the first day she was there I wondered what the heck is this chick doing here? Bright, funny, the kind of person who energizes a room the minute she walks into it. One evening she and another woman organized the extremely disorganized games and puzzles bookshelf, then got a game of Win, Lose, or Draw going. If you are not familiar with the game, which I was not, one person draws a card containing a common phrase, then draws a picture for their teammates to guess. Her drawings and her guesses were scary good. Like that. She was always the up person in the room.

The last day I was there we were the only two in the day room. We made a little small talk and then I said what was on my mind: what the heck are you doing here? She said she has really bad highs and lows. She said yes, I'm the life of the party, but it's all a fake. (I disagree; some of it was too authentic to have been faked). We talked for a long time and probably did each other more good than any of the counselors, and that's not a knock on the counselors. Just two kindred if troubled souls.

When I left, a day ahead of her scheduled check-out, she gave me a tight hug. She has been on my mind a lot the past few days, in a very nice way. My chances of even seeing her again are close to nil. If nothing else she made a very bad week tolerable.

>Habitat for humanity. My sister volunteered for years with them in GJ, CO.
>
>
>>There is a no-kill animal shelter just down the road, filled with nubile young ladies as well. But I was thinking more of people.
>>
>>>Call the nearest humane society or other animal shelter. They' are always looking for volunteers, and you won't find a more grateful bunch of recipients.
>>>
>>>>It's already on my list! I was heavily involved with a group called Chicago Cares when I lived closer to the city. My main involvement was with their Sunday meals for the hungry, as crew chief the second Sunday of every month and helping out most other Sundays, but was unable to find a substitute when I moved up here (approx. 50 miles from downtown Chicago). A counselor last week told me there is now a similar operation not far from here. I also went on a Katrina relief mission with Chicago Cares. It is on my short term To Do list to get involved with the Lake County group.
>>>>
>>>>They suggest this in AA as well -- get involved in things that take you out of your own head. As one regular puts it, that's like a walk through a bad part of town ;-)
>>>>
>>>>>I will certainly agree that our self-worth is often tied to having something meaningful to do (i.e. work). In the meantime, you might consider volunteering at a shelter or such. Helps to be less self-centered. Works for me.
>>>>>
>>>>>>I thought this over and discussed it with my daughters and have changed my mind. Disappearing for a while now is not such a good idea. I need to stay close to my AA group (even though there are many groups elsewhere) and look for work. I need calmness, not excitement.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Personally, I think any “big city” venue would be a downer.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>I would go for a (safe) native American “sweat lodge”, or a dessert safari type of thing. Perhaps climb a mountain. Stay away from cold weather and keep in the sun.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>I have been trying everything, to no avail. Maybe a change of scenery will do me good. One of the counselors in the hospital last week, one I trusted, suggested a change of scenery might do me good. We talked for a long time, way over her allotment, and she said you might be better off elsewhere.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>I would like to come stay somewhere for a couple of weeks. It almost doesn't matter where. I will pay and work my keep. Before I leave I will make sure my daughters are covered.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>Mike