>>I should just go to bed. The more I talk the weirder I sound.
>>
>>Mike, I swear to god, you do this again....
>
>Some good news. I did go to bed and got a good night's sleep, and am sober now. It does appall me that barely a week after getting so drunk I tried to kill myself I went on another binge. That's a little scary.

A little scary?????

How about A LOT SCARY....not to mention dangerous and ill-advised?!?!?!?

Mike, we may disagree on politics. But we have a lot in common here, and I have personal experience. We both know that you CANNOT control your drinking, so you have to do one thing. DON'T DRINK. Ever. Never.

There are two phrases that you need to have written where you can see them every waking moment: "by every form of self-deception imagineable" and "pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization"

You wonder why you aren't making new relationships....just look at the words in those phrases. That's who you are at the moment...someone who is outwardly deceptive, pitiful and incomprehensively demoralized. Not the kind of person most people want to try to relate to. But there ARE some people who understand and will help IF YOU WILL LET THEM. And you know where to find them, but you have to want it. The people here on UT have been kind and are trying, but (for the most part) are giving up....one by one.

There is a precondition BEFORE the first step: "IF you want what we have, and are willing to go to any lengths to get it THEN you are ready to take certain steps"

You still aren't ready.

When you are tired of being deceptive, pitiful and demoralized (not to mention hungover, haggard, forgetful and potentially hospitalized again) you will truly start down the path.

It is a simple program and it WILL WORK if you will work it. Forget the "I need a different sponsor" and "I need to be banished from UT" and "I need to hang a poster in my liquor store" crap. What you need....before anything else...is to want sobriety bad enough to go to ANY LENGTH to get it. Until then, you will not fix your relationships, you will not be sober and you will continue the cycle.

So get the hell off UT, out of the liquor store, and into a 28 day inpatient recovery program. You need someplace where you will be surrounded by recovery 24/7....being helped by folks with long term sobriety....role models. Prove to yourself and others that you are willing to go to any length....spend $3000 and GET HELP!

Then when you get out, change your playgrounds and playmates. Get into meetings. Into volunteer work. Into Barnes and Noble where you can sit and read about recovery. Into more meetings. Take your daughters to Al-Anon and show them you want to be sober and you want them to understand. Join the Lions club or the Kiwanis or something.

Once you are sober and the fog has lifted, you will get your swagger back. But you can't get from where the point you are at now to the point of having that swagger back without going through another point - recovery

I am hoping the message sinks in. A lot of others here are too. But there is nothing any of us can do....its all up to you.