I am as drunk as a lord.

It's been a long time since I was drunk. I am still working on it and still going to meetings. It never seems to go away.

An unexpected email from a woman I loved more than anyone ever must have set me off. She was gone completely, then she emailed me at work.

No one likes to talk to a drunk so I will shut up.

A really long time. I feel like I just gave it all back.

Well, Mike, I hope it was worth it.

In your defense, when your mother lays into you, I'll try to back you. I'll use a variant of the "Tropic Thunder" defense, that you didn't drink the beer, but rather that the beer drank you.