Have to chime in on this one. The most important thing my father ever said to me was : "Here's the good news and the bad news - it's all on you."

Over the years I've come to not only believe it, and try to live it, but it has been the source of a lot of comfort. The idea that life happens to you is pretty terrifying if you think about it. Sure, we have to accept that there are things that are not under out control ( like the actions or opinions of others ) but that is just the environment in which we exercise our free-will. Believing your problems are your own fault is to say you have the power to change what you did or are doing.

Blaming other people ( either individually or as groups ) for one's ills is so dis-empowering that it can cripple the ability to make those changes that are in fact under one's own control. And certainly isn't healthy for one's self-esteem. <s>

And of course believing oneself a victim makes oneself a victim - especially when the sense of victim-hood is being manipulated by others - either cynically or as part of their own delusions.



>>Actually, I generally agree, you (the royal "you") are the only one who can save yourself. Now, I also believe another person can buy you some time, can steer you in the right direction,can help you , can even inspire you....but you're right, in the end, it's up to the person themselves.
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>>Absolutely! I am a big believer in personal responsibility. If someone else can be one's salvation, they also have the power to be one's destruction. Personally, I would much rather empower myself <s>.
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>So am I. There are some very interesting views here:
>http://drsanity.blogspot.com/2009/09/personal-responsibility-and-golden-age.html
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>Snippet:
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>The idealistic narcissist is invested in utopian fantasies. Their self-esteem is derived from the power they feel in controlling the lives of others, and they desperately need to maintain a constant supply of "victims" they can pretend to champion. In general, they are extremely resistant to taking responsibility for their own behavior or the implementation of their utopian dreams--all of which have been emotionally catastrophic for the individuals in the system. Is it any wonder that the political left identifies personal responsibility as a dangerous and radical concept? In a world where personal responsibility and accountability for one's behavior is expected, they themselves would have to answer to that thing we call "reality."
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>This they cannot and will not do.
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>Hence they have constructed a whole system ("political correctness") to stigmatize and intimidate those who believe that self-esteem must be earned by achievement and is dependent on one's choices and actions; that "hope and change" come about not by wishing and lovely rhetoric, but by doing; and that your current bad situation may not be (entirely) your own fault, but by constantly externalizing blame for that situation, you miss opportunities to make necessary changes in your own behavior that keep you down. By taking responsibility for your own life, you stop waiting to be rescued and do what you have to do to rescue yourself. You can stay a "victim" and wallow in "victimhood", but the essence of maturity and adulthood is taking charge of your own life and not letting others dictate who you should be, or what you should do.
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