I will not email you.
Private messages exchanged on 6/22/11, with the subject line of "eff off":
You: That's what you said to me. If you now remember posting that, the civil thing for you to do would be to clarify your previous public post without going into details.
Me: I did not say that to you. I said that you told Kevin to eff off.
You: That is not my recollection but my memory can be faulty. I would really like to find the original post. If I was mistaken then I will apologize (publicly).
So, a summary: You told Kevin to "fuck off". I reminded you that you said that, only I worded it as "eff off". Then you declared that I should be banned for saying "eff off". I don't really follow your logic, but whatevs. I may have dropped incidental minor 4 letter words, but I never said what you claim I did.
And if you ever throw the word "racist" at me, whether you are calling me racist or suggest that you think I might be racist, we're going to have a public conversation about your alcoholism and suicidal tendencies and how it's going to affect your daughters long-term. I warned you that you don't want to go there. Also, quit talking about me being a parent. That's private and I do not wish for that to be discussed by internet acquaintances that have obvious mental health problems. Knock it off.
And with that I consider this matter closed. Unless, of course, you would like to publicly apologize like you said you were going to do. Not that it means anything.
>Actually Sunday, but only to ask for a clarification on something you said. You said you had sent me private messages I didn't reply to. I assumed you meant emails but did you mean on the UT? In any case I do not remember receiving them. It doesn't seem like me to not respond in some way.
>
>Seriously, take care and be well. I do not enjoy getting into it with people and my anger never lasts. I just can't seem to let the political provocations go on a consistent basis. I am better at resisting alcohol than I am at resisting those. That's on me. As an adult I should be able to manage my own behavior.
>
>Ciao again....
>
>PS -- If the spirit moves you to answer my question, please email me. I don't plan to keep logging on to check for an answer here.
>
>
>>So,Wednesday?
>>
>>>>>Most people find their hearts after they have a child. That does not seem to be the case with you. More like the opposite. You used to be a nice guy. What is it you're so pissed off about?
>>>>
>>>>Trolls use language like that.
>>>
>>>Never mind, this is it, I am gone from the UT. It has been surprisingly bearable to only log in here twice a day most days the past three months, once before leaving for work and again after returning to the house where I am staying. There are some great people here who I will miss. They can all find me at
mbeane@inbox.com. Some others I will not miss at all. I am not sure whether AA is the solution for me but one thing I have learned for sure is you have to get the people who feed your disease, who intentionally light triggers like anger, out of your life. As Graham Greene put it in "Our Man in Havana," it's time to leave the ruins of Havana.
>>>
>>>I have known for quite a while that if I became fed up enough with the UT to leave I would try to do so on a positive note. No, this isn't positive, but enjoy anyway. Here are two videos from my favorite musician on the seismic event of our lifetime. My last tribute to Bruce, related to these videos, is something that was reported in the NYT series of tributes to those who died at the Twin Towers on 9/11. One day it was a tribute to a firefighter who died that day -- I am STILL pissed off that the firefighters had outdated equipment that didn't get them the May Day message that got most policemen out safely -- which mentioned he was a huge Bruce Springsteen fan. It turns out he read "The Lives They Lived" religiously and called her up. She said he talked with her for 45 minutes or so and that phone call helped her get through the worst of it.
>>>
>>>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKuRGt7LnzU&NR=1>>>
>>>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNnB4dkVRJI>>>
>>>So long. It's been real. I am moving on to the next chapter in my life.
>>>
>>>UPDATE: All right, two more and then it's off to bed. The first is of Bruce at his peak of emerging fame, looking achingly young. Two of the E Street Band, organist Danny Federici and saxophonist Clarence Clemons, the Big Man, are no longer with us. The second is a straight out rocker which never ceases to make me smile and feel like dancing. I saw them play it 10 times or more times live and it always brought down the house.
>>>
>>>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezfVwEhYrfU>>>
>>>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krWJu5bKTXs>>>
>>>How can we miss you when you won't leave? ;-) I really am going. Be well.
