>>In addition to Dorris's comments, worth pointing out that our best understanding of the brain now says that the prefrontal cortex, where judgment and decision-making reside, doesn't complete development until the early 20's. IOW, the reason teens make bad choices is that the part of their brain where choices are made isn't finished yet.
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>>http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=141164708
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>You know the old line from the proverbial Analysis 101 class...So what?
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>Judgement...of what???? Of whatever action society would (after-the-fact) deem fitting for this theory, because the naked truth is too harsh?
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>Tamar, I think there's really one difference between, us, re: this topic. I could be wrong here, but I know enough about you to know you and your husband raised good kids who are now likely good adults (I believe you have two sons). You clearly took the responsibility seriously, and you didn't complicate their adult lives by oversimplifying their adolescent lives. And I'm quite confident that if the younger of the two sons cracked the older one's skull with a baseball bat over a silly debate, you wouldn't have bought into the excuse that, "But mom, I couldn't help it, my prefrontal cortex isn't developed yet!!!"
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>Same here in casa Goff.....my daughter gets a lesson in common sense, work ethic, and personal integrity nearly every day. Surely you'll agree that part of being a parent is not only teaching your kids what constitutes a smart choice, but also knowing when to avoid situations they're clearly not ready for/in over their heads. (A horribly tragic lesson that Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman were never taught). Sure, the best of kids will still screw up and parents often will have to help clean up the mess, but the good parents will use it as a hard lesson.
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>So why do I say there's one difference between us? Because I would never quote a theory that I didn't buy into in my own home. I think you are.
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>Do you think the families of the victims of Ethan Couch (the "affluenza" teen) would buy into the idea that Ethan's beer-soaked brain (three times the legal limit) just didn't have the goods in the prefrontal cortex? Go ahead and tell them...then I'll REALLY believe you buy into the theory!!!
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>Is there medical basis for what's in the book? I'm not a doctor and I don't have the first clue if it indeed is the "best understanding" . I also don't care. It changes nothing and absolves nothing. (Though it probably would explain the number of pot-smoking men in their mid-20's who are still living at home). <s>
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>I think you'd do well to remember what you've accomplished a parent, because you actually discredit it by giving credence to this.

You and Tamar are both right.

Of course a 30 year thinks more soberly than a 17 year old.
Who among us can't remember things we did when we were 17 that seem ridiculous now?
That said.. some 17 year olds seem to have a more stable ethical rudder than others.
That ethical rudder seems to come from the people around us while we were children.. parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, relatives, teachers.

The influence of grandparents is usually underestimated. In the case of my kids, it was profoundly beneficial.

In Lonesome Dove Larry McMurty used this Latin phrase:
uva uvam vivendo varia fit

Loosely translated:
A growing grape is shaped by the grapes surrounding it.