>>Mike, if you can hang in there through these difficult times- believe it or not - just surviving and getting older helps.
>>In spite of ourselves, in some respects we do actually become wiser -if not sharper- as we age.
>>Think about how many people try unsuccessfully to quit smoking and finally get it done in their forties of fifties- same people, but just a little wiser.
>>
http://neglectedbooks.com/?p=246>>If you haven't already, you might look at this book aptly named- "Mine Enemy Grows Older" by Alexander King, a brilliant illustrator who fought addiction for much of his life and finally beat it after being arrested and sent to a federal rehab center.
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>>He was in his fifties when he finally cleaned up and he went on to have a rich life well into his elder years.
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>Bill, I've read Mike go through this for nearly a decade. (And others for much longer). I think he's past the "just getting older helps". That's not silver age wisdom of any kind, it's bad psychology.
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>You don't become wiser just by aging. Doing things changes things. If he's been drinking hard again or contemplating doing it (which I assume he is, or he wouldn't be talking about entering a facility), something needs to change.
Yes, it does. And this time I am going to do it. You have all heard my promises and good intentions before and they haven't worked. Good for you for calling BS.
The odd thing is I have been been unable to find a facility. You would think it would be easy given how many drunks there are in Chicago, but no. My ex told me a couple of weeks ago that I needed inpatient and recommended a place in West Allis, Wisconsin. I called them and it turned out they only have a 5 day program, which any addict can skate through. The nurse I spoke with there recommended another facility in Oconomowoc. They do not take Illinois insurance. I know there has to be one here in the land of Lincoln and I am going to find them. And that is not BS.
If I have the opportunity I will post details of where I wind up. They probably will prohibit contact, at least for a while, but it would mean a lot. They talk in AA meetings of hitting bottom. I have hit bottom.
On a more positive note, my favorite Dead song --
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2RJ3l_0_PA. There is an optimism deep inside me that all my bad behavior does not eradicate.
Music so often fills the hole I can't seem to fill by myself. Jerry Garcia preceded me as a good guy who couldn't outrun his demons.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86bP46BR6qA
