>>>>>Mike, if you can hang in there through these difficult times- believe it or not - just surviving and getting older helps.
>>>>>In spite of ourselves, in some respects we do actually become wiser -if not sharper- as we age.
>>>>>Think about how many people try unsuccessfully to quit smoking and finally get it done in their forties of fifties- same people, but just a little wiser.
>>>>>http://neglectedbooks.com/?p=246
>>>>>If you haven't already, you might look at this book aptly named- "Mine Enemy Grows Older" by Alexander King, a brilliant illustrator who fought addiction for much of his life and finally beat it after being arrested and sent to a federal rehab center.
>>>>>
>>>>>He was in his fifties when he finally cleaned up and he went on to have a rich life well into his elder years.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Bill, I've read Mike go through this for nearly a decade. (And others for much longer). I think he's past the "just getting older helps". That's not silver age wisdom of any kind, it's bad psychology.
>>>>
>>>>You don't become wiser just by aging. Doing things changes things. If he's been drinking hard again or contemplating doing it (which I assume he is, or he wouldn't be talking about entering a facility), something needs to change.
>>>
>>>Yes, it does. And this time I am going to do it. You have all heard my promises and good intentions before and they haven't worked. Good for you for calling BS.
>>>
>>>The odd thing is I have been been unable to find a facility. You would think it would be easy given how many drunks there are in Chicago, but no. My ex told me a couple of weeks ago that I needed inpatient and recommended a place in West Allis, Wisconsin. I called them and it turned out they only have a 5 day program, which any addict can skate through. The nurse I spoke with there recommended another facility in Oconomowoc. They do not take Illinois insurance. I know there has to be one here in the land of Lincoln and I am going to find them. And that is not BS.
>>>
>>>If I have the opportunity I will post details of where I wind up. They probably will prohibit contact, at least for a while, but it would mean a lot. They talk in AA meetings of hitting bottom. I have hit bottom.
>>>
>>>On a more positive note, my favorite Dead song -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2RJ3l_0_PA. There is an optimism deep inside me that all my bad behavior does not eradicate.
>>>
>>>
>>>Music so often fills the hole I can't seem to fill by myself. Jerry Garcia preceded me as a good guy who couldn't outrun his demons. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86bP46BR6qA
>>
>>If you think you are at bottom, you would be wrong. You are still posting on the UT. A grade school friend of mine in Wisconsin quit her high paying job to work with addicts after trying to help her son through addiction. There is no good system in place but you will get help if you want it bad enough. Clearly Emily is the smart one in the family as she cut you off. You still have others communicating with you and feeding your need though (add me to that list as I am here doing the same).
>
>>
>>That's it for me. I wish you well but we both know that even if it took 1000 phone calls or sitting on the steps of a rehab it would happen if you really wanted it to, I've done this before - trying to help you and the same for people I care about. You do it or you don't. I'm with MARCIA 100%%%%%%%%%%!!!!!!!! even if the rest of the troupe is not.
>>
>>When you really want it bad enough you will go to rehab and then immediately to a half way house. You will not go home
>
>I'm trying, Tracy. I really am. And I will go in. I have lied to you and everyone else I know and am done lying.
>
>Are you still in touch with Charles? He cut me off cold. I could use his friendship. And I know he sure as hell isn't going to give me false camaraderie.

No once again you are manipulating folks and using the UT as your outlet. If you were serious, the day Emily cut you off you would have been on the doorstep of a rehab or if no options were available, you would get a TDO to do it. Stop the bull. I do hope for the best for you. I will NOT contact anyone on your behalf. Until the world cuts you off (and that means the UT as well), you will continue on as you have been. Only you can make this happen and only you can survive.

t2RJ3l_0_PA

86bP46BR6qA