This still has me angry so I am just going to put it out there and hopefully get it out of my system. You could not have attacked me at a worse time, just when I am actually doing something about my problems. I am not going to reveal any identifying facts about you but boy am I pissed.

We met online. No, not like that. It was in a movie chat group hosted by Roger Ebert. For a long time I thought you were a nice older lady with an affection for old movies. We talked about this and that and after a while I realized my mental image was wildly incorrect. I have always taken you at your word, and the pictures you have sent me, that you are a tremendously attractive woman. (My daughters were always skeptical about that and I said no, I believe her). I sure did fall in love with you. You never asked me to leave my marriage but in fact that is what happened. What I felt for you was so much stronger than what I felt for my wife.

We were in steady contact for several years. I loved you for your smarts -- "Jon calls me Brains," you said. I loved you for all your volunteer work. I loved it that you ran a successful business and never forgot the employees who helped it succeed. We talked on the phone for 2 or 3 hours at a time. Your former business partner (RIP) asked you what the hell we had to talk about for so long. We emailed constantly. We IM-ed. It was a Saturday morning staple that you would IM me before I headed off to soccer. Those were really nice conversations, ones I will always treasure. I suspect you will always be the love of my life. Just don't pick now to leap out of the woods and attack me, OK? I really am going into rehab, something you encouraged me to do, and I want it to work. It's not like I am getting younger.

Another nice memory -- calling you in the middle of the night from somewhere on the highway in Missouri on the way to Houston for Katrina relief help. You are a late nighter and I knew you would be up. That phone call, me wandering around a rest area, gave me strength for the whole trip.

The anger is out of my system.