>>>I really will leave (he says again). I just wanted to put up a cheerier last message. My moods are up and down, which has always been the case. I was just laughing out loud -- literally, as many times as it is used as an acronym -- about Casey Stengel. Lord knows what popped the old professor into my head. Just enjoy. He was German in ancestry and was a true American original. No, I won't get going about immigration again....
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>>>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casey_Stengel
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>>This must be your millionth "last message". Now please pull out that network plug, we're all tired of listening to you!
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>Please see my message just now to Victor. (So now we're at a million and two). I am not nearly as bad off as you think. I am on the rebound and focusing on that. If you sincerely feel I am no longer wanted here, I have enough respect for you that I will take that advice. Personally I don't think ostracism is useful to me at the moment.
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>FWIW I have been tearing through Jo Nesbo's books featuring Harry Hole. (I am not making that name up). He is a police detective in Oslo, a good man with demons. I can definitely relate. Harry flirts back and forth with redemption. There are many scenes in the books where he is alone by himself late at night, sipping a scotch and listening to jazz.
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>Several people I respect have told me a time away, or maybe a permanent time away, is a good idea. If you think that's for the best I will follow your advice. Right now I am doing my very best and hoping to do even better after rehab. To a non-alcoholic that probably sounds like just another promise. For me it is a huge step. I have not been to rehab before. When they call me with an admission date I will give it my best shot. There is a recommended aftercare program and I will follow that, too.
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>Right now I am really fighting the urge to feel desperate. Since I emailed her about it Tamar can testify that I received some terrible news yesterday. Probably my best professional friend died of cancer. He was the greatest person you could ever want to meet. We worked together and stayed in touch after that. Everyone liked him. Part of it was his notoriety for playing football at Wake Forest but basically he was just a great guy. He was diagnosed with cancer about 6 years ago. It looked like he had beaten it but it came roaring back. His son, who also played football (starter for Miami of Ohio) emailed me to let me know. He said we have been going through his emails and found yours. Mine to Jim was just a hope you are doing well email. Funeral details pending.

You have to decide to stay on line, that's your decision. But I strongly suggest that you start another thread, since I consider this thread has turned into a really bad direction. And please stop writing stuff you don't really mean, like "this is my last message".