>>If that works, you can have a fancy dinner for a fraction of the money you didn't spend. And it would take just a couple of hours altogether.
>
>Sounds like a few dinners, but I have neither a clue as to how to do it nor the time to learn, so I'll have to buy a Windows box.

Get the bootable flash maker at http://www.pendrivelinux.com (it's a rather small executable). Get the big .iso file (dvd image) of your favorite linux distribution (pick a 64 or 32 bit version as you see fit). Insert a flash drive into your USB. Run that maker; you'll need to point it to the .iso file and to which disk is the flash. Click OK and wait.

When it's done, boot the faulty laptop into setup (del or f2 key usually gets you into the BIOS setup) and make sure it tries to boot from USB disk first. Save and let it boot. Watch the show. It should boot in a kind of demo mode - everything would run, but it would run from a RAM disk or some such trick, and any settings that you change will be lost when you shut down. There should be an "install for real" icon, click that if you like the result. The whole installation process is actually a tad easier than installing Windowses. No command line at all.