>>We should compile these and get them uploaded somewhere!
>
>I was thinking the same thing!!! I would love to do up a gag joke page for this on RoxWorld & including in my list of funny links!!!

I would be glad to email the textfile anywhere, but here is the list too, just in case anyone missed any first time around! :-)

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1) The smooth talker. Someone who can sell icecubes to Eskimos, sand to Arabia, but can't code his or her way out of a paper bag. Always turns to subcontractors to do the dirty work.

2) The eager beaver. Someone who has good marketing and technical skills but gets jerked around by clients because he or she can never say no to change or enhancement requests.

3) The wild-eyed guru. Someone who wears casual clothes and sports long hair, an earring, or some other affectation. A demon coder who is not terribly smart, business-wise, but can code anything. Otherwise known as "the gunslinger".

4) The code gnome. Someone who is a competant developer but can't ever be displayed in public for reasons of bad social skills or personal hygiene issues. Often in symbiosis with the "smooth-talker" type. The "code gnome" is often confused with the "wild-eyed guru". Quite similar. Perhaps a previous name for the gnome is "geek" or "nerd" or even "pencil-neck".

5) The Inexperienced High-Schooler, bad at coding, bad at business. You don't see them too much because they're too busy debugging computer games for the kids down the block.

6) The fixer. Commonly gets his jobs by coming in behind you, telling the owner what a mess you made of things, changing the fonts on a couple of screens and charging $2000 for it!
6a) The fixer can also be internal in this case he decrees all is wrong, but it isn't his job to fix. I like to call him "Not-my-job Ned"

7) The assassin. Puts application death routines in his or her code that kills the application after "n" months and then forgets to remove them.

8) Smiley Joe. Comes in, has numerous meetings, gives a reasonable bid. Does a good design specification, but never gets around to doing the work.

9) The tree killers. Generally a team of consultants from one of the Big Consulting Firms doing work for a large comapny. Insists that you have to learn their methodology, then learn their process, then document your needs using the process and methodology and then document the document.

10) Earnest Eileen. Seeks to do the best job possible even when they get over their heads. Tight deadlines, obscure functionallity, brick walls. Comes running to the UT where other Earnest Eileen's do their best to help while they are between jobs.
10a) Perilous Pauline. Consultant who disappears at critical times and often calls in, explaining in great detail, personal matters which keep her from actually doing the work.

12) The Crusader. A consultant who "goes native". Puts his or her client's interests well above his or her employers or their own. Crusaders often end up being hired by the client.

13) The Bigot. Defined by the "world is a nail and I have a hammer" anti-pattern. Builds monolithic software using a single tool; steadfast refusal to learn or even acknowledge alternative architectures.

14) The Cryptographer. Sees every new client as exclusive territory for all eternity, therefore, writes code so cryptic that no 3rd party ever has a chance at deciphering in a recent amount of time.

15) The waffler. Starts a project in fortran, switches to quick basic, discovers dbase, switches back to fortran for the speed. Never gets around to finishing the project, too busy switching languages and rewritting routines.

16) The "International Consultant of Mystery". Comes from 'nowhere' to design specs and give presentation on design and requirements for project and leaves for [insert appropriately out of touch country on other side or world here] and is gone for weeks. All the while, the project is waiting for this 'mystery consultant' to return to get the project started.

17) Yoda. Master coder who cannot communicate with humans. Backward talk he. Puts out outstanding work, you just can't undertand his explanations or presentations.

18) The shaman. Called in a to address a problem when the original consultant is nowhere to be found. Tweaks some code, never actually fixes the problem. Named the "shaman" because his work has the effectiveness of native rain dances.

19) The Psychic. Gets the initial requirements down and then disappears. Reappears with a system that, inevitable, does not do what it is supposed to do. Never calls, never emails.

20) Le Artiste. A good planner, architect but spends so much time putting in bells and whistles into the product that deadlines are missed on critical components.

21) The Jargoneer. A consultant who throws catchphrases into discussions like "compete in the global marketplace" to cover up the fact that he or she has little or no clue what they're talking about.

22) The Family Dog. A consultant that's been with one client for so long that they're afraid to lose him or her so they keep throwing small projects out to ensure that they stay there.

23) the zen coder. The programs don't work, but the code is beautiful to behold!

24) The NIHilist. NIH=Not Invented Here. A consultant who never recommends adding to an existing system; always insists that everything has to be rewritten from scratch.

25) The Seagull Flies in while you are on holiday, drops something monstrous in/on your code and then flies out again.