So I get this call at 5:52 today. Like a dope, I answer it, even though it's after hours.

All I hear is background noise - like in a stockbroker's office. I try saying "Hello" a few times, but no one answers. One of these damn automatic dialing machines that went bonkers, I guess.

Then I get this call at 5:55. I answer it again. Same background noise. Same lack of response.

Another call, and another, and another.

Finally, I get through these calls to get an open line, pick up voice mail, and there are another five calls on voice mail - each of which has two minutes or so of this background noise.

I try *69. Ameritech gives me the number, tries to connect - and can't. Now I'm getting a little annoyed. I don't want to wake tomorrow and have 348 two minute messages of background noise...

I try to call the number manually. It works! And I have this loud conversation (the person on the other end can barely hear me) - and it's the same background noise. I'm trying to shout, explain what's going on, and finally, the other person says, "Whil? Is that you? I'm sitting in a bar in Fort Lauderdale. We're having a few drinks after teaching class all day."

His phone was in his back pocket, and his speed dial to me kept connecting...

Jim has since changed his speed dial number for me to a 19 digit number. I swear I am not making this up....

Whil