Warnings issued by the Southern Tourism Bureau to those visiting the Miami Devcon from West of the Mississippi and North of the Mason Dixon Line.

1) Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24
hours a day, so let them cook something they know.

2) Don't laugh at Southern people's names. (Merleen, Bodie, Luther
Ray, Tammy Ann, Mari Beth, Inez, etc.) Fights occur for less.

3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. This can lead to
a beating. Down South it's called Coke. It don't matter
whether it's Pepsi, 7-Up, or whatever else-in the South, it's a Coke.

4) Don't show allegiance to any college football team that isn't
in the SEC. (Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, Florida,
Auburn, LSU, etc.) All the others are just a bunch of pansies
that play teams like Wyoming.

5) Don't refer to Southerners as a bunch of hillbillies. We know
our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty,
Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally lots
nicer. We have plenty of business sense (e.g. Fred Smith of Fed Ex,
Turner Broadcasting, MCI Worldcom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do
sometimes have a small lapse in judgment (e.g. Clinton, Fordice,Duke).
We don't care if you think we are dumb because we can kick butt!

6) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut up, spend your money, and go home.

7) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will
instantly know that you are from Ohio. Eat your biscuits like God
intended and for god's sake, don't put sugar on your grits.

8) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot.

9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we
don't care. If you don't like it here, take your self back
up Nawth.

10) We don't play lacrosse, hockey, or any of those other sissy
Northern games, so don't come down here asking the score because
we don't care.

11) We know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we
want to, and because we can. We don't care if you don't understand
what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we
are saying and that's all that matters. Now, go home.


12) Last but not least. DO NOT come down here trying to tell us how
to Bar-B-Q. This will get you shot. You're lucky we let
you come down here at all. Question our Bar-B-Q and go home in a pine
box.