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The Office Automation Newbie Song
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(Solo)

Oh give me a home where the newbies don't roam
and the threads on OE go away.
Where seldom is heard,
"How do I start Word?"
or "My Excel charts just will not play"

(Chorus)

Home, home with .Range
or Selection, I really should say
Where seldom is heard,
"How do I start Word?"
or "My Excel charts just will not play"

(Solo)

Now into this fold comes the Access of old
with a new hook to SQL Server.
But it's all the same crap,
an old database trap,
and we all know it's Fox we prefer.

(Refrain)

Home, home with .Range
or Selection, I really should say
Where seldom is heard,
"How do I start Word?"
or "My Excel charts just will not play"

(Solo)

Explorers are fun; use Inspectors for one
but the Finds are missing control.
You get left in the lurch
when you need a LIKE search,
so you end up with a large list to scroll...

(Refrain)

Home, home with .Range
or Selection, I really should say
Where seldom is heard,
"How do I start Word?"
or "My Excel charts just will not play"

(Solo)

Macros won't record, in Visio, unlike Word,
and you're stuck with guessing at code.
You can test all you want
but your deadlines are shot;
And the hubris will start to erode.

(Refrain)

Home, home with .Range
or Selection, I really should say
Where seldom is heard,
"How do I start Word?"
or "My Excel charts just will not play"

(Solo)

Oh, mail merge will lead to the solution you need,
but you have to figure it out.
When you hit a problem,
Please, RTFM!
Don't run to Compuserve and shout....

(Refrain)

Home, home with .Range
or Selection, I really should say
Where seldom is heard,
"How do I start Word?"
or "My Excel charts just will not play"