Cindy,

Don't forget The Gartner Group Toaster....

You bread is no good and is going to be stale and obsolete real-soon-now,
even though you've been eating it for the last 10 years. No one knows toast
like they do (or so they tell you) and you have to pay them a fortune for
them to tell you how to use the toaster you've been using for those same
last 10 years.


>If IBM made toasters...
>They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be
>submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide
>market for five, maybe six toasters.
>
>If Xerox made toasters...
>You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices
>would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for
>you.
>
>If Radio Shack made toasters...
>The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about
>it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
>
>If University of Waterloo made toasters...
>They would immediately spin off a company called WatToast.
>
>If ParcPlace made toasters...
>Their OO building block system would be called EGGO.
>
>If Oracle made toasters...
>They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and
>styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel
>Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three
>years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing
>smoke.
>
>If Sun made toasters...
>The toast gets burned, but you can always get a cup of Java.
>
>Does DEC still make toasters?...
>They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't they?
>
>If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
>They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast
>and gives you regular bread.
>
>If Tandem made toasters...
>You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a piece got burned the
>toaster would automatically toast you a new one.
>
>If Thinking Machines made toasters...
>You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time.
>
>If Cray made toasters...
>They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other
>single-slice toaster in the world.
>
>If The Rand Corporation made toasters...
>It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube.
>Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their
>service department would have an unlisted phone number, and the
>blueprints for the box would be highly classified government
>documents.
>
>If the NSA made toasters...
>Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could
>access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of
>national security.
>
>If Sony made toasters...
>The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece
>of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your
>belt.
>
>If Apple made toasters...
>It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but better and 5 years
>earlier. But no none would use it.
>
>And, of course...................
>
>If Microsoft made toasters.................
>
>Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a
>toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd
>have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds
>(hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough
>electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your
>kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control
>how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly
>interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them.
>Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy
>them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.