Hehe... Some real groaners there. :) Being a native English speaker, I got them all. Are there any you're still having trouble with after consulting a dictionary?

Michelle

>Subject: Puns for Top Thinkers Only
>
>1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
>stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one
>carrion allowed per passenger."
>
>2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low
>earth orbit? They called it the herd shot 'round the world.
>
>3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
>became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
>never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
>lesser of two weevils.
>
>4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire
>in the craft, it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak
>and heat it, too.
>
>5. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up
>to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
>
>6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
>canal?
>He wanted to transcend dental medication.
>
>7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
>in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
>an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
>"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
>
>"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open
>foyer."
>
>8. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
>to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in
>Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
>himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
>husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband
>responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
>
>9. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up
>a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
>from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition
>was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
>He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
>rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug
>in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
>their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
>Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can
>prevent florist friars.
>
>10. And finally, there was a man who sent ten different puns to friends,
>in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
>Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.