>Geez, maybe I should just take a class...

I have the following excellent books in my library:

Oracle8: The Complete Reference [ISBN 0-07-88-2396-X]
Oracle8i: Advanced PL/SQL Programming [ISBN 0-07-212146-7]
Oracle PL/SQL Tips & Techniques [ISBN 0-07-882438-9]

You might also find the following useful: http://hojohn.photo.net/ora81/DOC/server.815/