>Microsoft Addresses Justice Department Accusations
>
> REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations
> made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today
> that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States
> of America for an undisclosed sum.
>
> "It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said
> Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive
> arrangement for everyone".
>
> Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the
> White House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of
> the press that changes will be "minimal". The United States will be
> managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public
> offering is planned for July of next year, and the federal government
> is expected to be profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to
> Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.
>
> In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly
> and enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with
> Microsoft, and will continue to manage the United States government,
> reporting directly to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up
> the mantle of executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and
> referred to it as "a relief". He went on to say that Gates has a
> "proven track record", and that U.S. citizens should offer Gates their
> "full support and confidence". Clinton will reportedly be earning
> several times the $200,000 annually he has earned as U.S. president,
> in his new role at Microsoft.
>
> Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond
> as "silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions for
> the U.S. government from his existing office at Microsoft
> headquarters. Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would "of
> course" be abolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed,
> "and look how well we're doing".
>
> When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was
> proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking
> place".
>

As Matt Mc Donnel would say "FOCLMAOAPMP"
> Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United
> States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in
> government services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
>
>
> About Microsoft
>
> Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in
> software for personal computers, and democratic government. The
> company offers a wide range of products and services for public,
> business and personal use, each designed with the mission of making it
> easier and more enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full
> power of personal computing and free society every day.
>
>
> About the United States
>
> Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful
> nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy
> and opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C.,
> the United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft
> Corporation.